Time is Precious

Like most professionals, I get caught up in the day-to-day existence of life: sleep, eat, work, eat, work, insert random errand, eat, exercise (or not), work some more (sometimes), shower, read (or not), sleep….wash, rinse, repeat. I go through the motions with each day blending into the next. There are some variations on the theme each day, but the rhythm stays the same. It is a constant cadence. Then, something disrupts it.

My friend Sean died in early January. It was completely unexpected. I found out about it through Facebook, which, unfortunately, is commonplace these days. One moment I was having a normal Saturday afternoon, and the next moment I was sobbing over a friend I hadn’t seen in a couple of years.

Sean was part of a group of friends I met after graduate school. They were my crew during those first years of true independence. We went everywhere together: night clubs, movies, plays, concerts, restaurants, weekend getaways, etc. We spent many nights just talking and laughing. Sean was a bright spot in this group. He was always smiling and always had a funny story to tell.

I admire people who manage to live authentic lives, those who are not afraid to plumb the depths of their talents and give back to the world more than they take. Sean was one of those people. He became a doctor to help people, and he focused his career in caring for the poor and homeless. He took pleasure in the small beauty of the world.

Through Facebook I’ve watched people from my undergraduate years do amazing things by using their talents well. I love seeing great fine artists from my college years getting accolades for their beautiful paintings or former drama students running community theaters. These people were amazingly talented in their younger years, and they continue to foster those talents now. From my perspective, they are living authentic lives.

I feel lost. I’m in my early forties, and I yearn for a more authentic life. I’ve never been career-driven. My path has never been linear. I love learning new things and mastering whatever job I do. As a result, I have been a career jumper. Whatever I do, I do it well, and while I’m not altogether sure that I require for my career to be fulfilling, I do want it to foster the best aspects of me and allow me the space to explore what I can contribute to the world.

Time is precious. I have spent too much time worrying. My energies have been tied up in my work. I have failed to draw the line where it needs to be drawn. I have failed to protect and nourish my personal life. If I were to die tomorrow, I would regret how I have spent my time on this earth. I need to remember that as I continue to work toward a more balanced life.