Career Break: Two Weeks Later

Two weeks ago, on October 1st, I started my first-ever career break. The past two weeks have been all over the place for me emotionally. I am overjoyed about having freedom and yet terrified about the lack of definition for when this break will end. The security freak in me worries about money, but I keep reassuring myself that I planned this, that I am capable of finding new work, and that this is needed. Why is it so difficult to do something good for yourself?

As for my goals for this break, I’m doing fairly well. I have written and posted more blog entries than I have in years. I managed to write several thousand words in freestyle writing, and I enjoyed it. I walked in the cemetery most days during the traditional work week. The writing and walking go a long way toward keeping my spirits high and fulfilling my creative needs.

On the flip side, I slipped in my sleep schedule, gravitating toward my night owl ways. Though I prefer that sleep schedule, I do think I should make more of an effort to mirror my husband’s schedule. Setting an alarm for a noon lunch date feels a little much. I have caught myself mindlessly surfing the Internet and, in particular, Facebook. I catch myself ruminating on the what-ifs of my next career move rather than living in the moment and enjoying this gift of time.

My anxiety levels are decreasing daily. In my job, I was stretched thin under constant demands for my attention. Between emails, phone calls, meetings, co-workers, and process and project management, someone or something always needed my feedback or direction. My thoughts fragmented into little bites. That’s a pretty standard work life for a lot of (maybe most) people. Everyone told me I should write in the evenings or on the weekend, but at the end of the days, I couldn’t string together coherent thoughts, and I had difficulty coming down from the demands of the day. As an introvert, I demand more downtime than most, and I just wasn’t able to flip the switch without rest.

I need to learn to let go and relax during this career break.

I never expected the lack of demands on my time to feed into my insecurities. Without being pulled in all directions, I cling to anything I can as an anchor to say that I am valid and important. During the first full week, I hit the writing aspect of this journey hard. I wanted to prove something. Last week, I was more relaxed about it, even taking a day to do nothing, but guilt lingers. I feel self-indulgent when I am aiming for self-enrichment. This break is supposed to be a reset. I need to give into that.