A Measure of Growth
The summer solstice, that celebration of summer and the longest day of the year, marked my 40th birthday. I had mixed feelings about the day. I did not know whether I should spend it with friends or just with my husband. Visions of vacations with my girlfriends danced through my head. When it comes to milestone birthdays, everyone expects you to do something incredibly special, or at least that’s the perception.
My parents marked the occasion with a gift of growth… TREES! After a brief trip to our local nursery, I confessed a love for the Bald Cypress and Japanese Maple. A few days later, Mom told me I needed to pick out spots for one of each. I was thrilled! Now that we are in our forever home, we can enjoy trees for many years to come. I probably will not see them reach their greatest height, but I will get to see them grow to be majestic. It is a gift of growth and change.
When I look back at the last decade of my life, I can see my own growth as a person, and I wonder what the next decade will bring. I still struggle with trying to please everyone in my life, to fulfill other people’s expectations of me. I am torn between the traditional and unconventional, but I am hoping to work through that conflict. Many people say you settle into your true self during your forties, and I hope that is true.
The primary reason for starting this blog was rediscovering my love of writing. Shortly after I left graduate school, I stopped writing for pleasure. I found myself bogged down in work and focusing on the problems of the day rather than dreaming up stories of another world. I lost my sense of wonder. Writing became something for another day, another life. It was something for when my mind was unfettered, but I realized a few months ago that I cannot keep waiting for another day.
I am sure turning forty influenced my sense of urgency to begin writing again. I know it made me start the Couch to 5k running program. I want to make the most of my life instead of spending my time procrastinating.
The Bald Cypress and Japanese Maple trees will forever mark this turning point in my life. They will remind me of where I began and how far I’ve come. I can only hope I can live up to their strength and majesty and grow along beside them.
